Bad Mom Days- I have them often enough to write this post

Every mom has bad days. Sometimes we have bad weeks (please tell me I'm not the only one, right?). Dealing with those times is crucial to raising our kids. Because giving up is not an option- we have little people to care for. Here are some of my strategies for when I'm overwhelmed (aka: losing it!).

1. Pray: I always turn to the Lord and ask him for patience, love, gentleness, and self-control (and while I'm at it I ask for the rest of the fruit of the Spirit to save time). Without the Lord, I cannot be a good mother. It is not possible. So I go to him first!
2. Remove Myself From the Situation: There are really bad moments when my kids push me over the edge. At those times I know the best thing for me to do is walk away. If I'm in danger of reacting (instead of rationally and lovingly handling the situation) then I go to the bathroom, shut the door (the kids are going to follow me anyway, right- so I know they are safe) and calm down. As long as my children are not in immediate danger this is what I do. Even if there is a puddle of water, or sugar, or all the contents of a drawer on the floor- it will keep for ten minutes- while I regain some sanity and control.
3. Major on the Majors, Minor on the Minors: On those really frustrating days where it seems like it's one thing right after another, I let go of a lot of standards- temporarily. Examples of things I might let slide for a day: the mess from the playroom spilling out into other areas of the house, giving my kids food that is less healthy but I know they will eat, not regulating petty squabbles between the kids (those that are not causing harm or endangering each other), using the TV or bathtub to get us through the really rough spots, etc. This way I am focusing on the major things like keeping everyone safe and fed, instead of having to correct every. single. behavior. I can begin afresh tomorrow training my kids in manners, kindness, sharing, and so on.
4. Take a Drive: My kids do great in the car, so if I'm really desperate during the winter months, I'll pack them up and go somewhere- anywhere. Sometimes I end up at the mall- they have a free play area. Other times we surprise Daddy at the office. Just this week, my amazing Hubby took us out to lunch. We all got out of the house, and I got some adult talking time that refreshed me after my horrible morning.
5. Use Baby Gates: I realize there are varying opinions about this one, but I know that this works for me, in my house set up, with my kids at age 2 1/2 years and 14 months. I gate my kids in the playroom, and then I can read down the hall (where I can see and hear into the play room) or do my workout, or do some chores without them under foot. And can I just say, that most times my kids play better when they are gated in there! Weird, but cool.
6. Call a Friend: I always feel refreshed after talking to another adult. I'm able to talk about myself, and converse with a girl friend, and that often changes my attitude and helps me "take a break". One key thing that I have found is not turning our conversation into a gripe session. If I spend the time complaining about my kids and the stress and the messes, then I often increase my bad mood and that does not glorify God or bring either of us joy. (That said, there are appropriate moments to call a very close mentor or friend and seek their wisdom and encouragement during frustrating times; which of course means talking about the stressful things going on. In general, though, complaining leads to discontentment. Balance is key.)
7. Play With Them: I'm almost ashamed to admit that our biggest issue is when my kids have not gotten enough of my attention. Usually I am trying to work on something and the kids keep distracting me. They feel neglected and I keep losing my train of thought, which leads to terse replies and tears! Really the best fix to frustration is dropping everything (dinner can wait, chores are less important than my kids, even canceling any outings with friends, etc) and getting on the floor and playing with my kids. Nearly all behavior issues cease after I have spent quality time with my children- after all, they usually act out or melt down because they need attention from me. I don't know why it still surprises me (I guess because I am human, selfish, and flawed. Can I get an amen?).
8. I don't take it personally: Lastly, I don't take my kids' bad behavior personally. Of course it is my responsibility to teach and train them. But, they must make their own decisions to obey. We live in a sinful, fallen world, and my kids are sinful beings (as am I). I actually expect my children to embarrass me- especially in public or when we're with people. This way I am not surprised by their bad behavior and I can focus on the appropriate response/discipline. 

I hope there was an idea or two that you can use for your own life? And I always welcome suggestions! I have neither arrived at Perfect Parenting, nor expect to in my lifetime. There are days when none of the above work for me and I fail until bedtime, when I eagerly put my kids down and wearily fall into bed myself. I think we have all been there, and all do this. So let us feel encouraged that we are not alone, and rally because we do not have to be defeated!

I'd love to hear your tricks for bad days! If you have solutions for older kids, I'd especially like to hear (because someday too soon my kids will be "older kids")? 

It's A Mom Life

I'm thinking of doing a regular post about Mom things. Ya know, tips, tricks, ways to keep our sanity! So I'd love to hear of anything you would like to see in upcoming posts. How can I make your life easier?

In the smart phone age, there are so many apps that can make our lives easier. Here are my top choices:

1. Bible.is- This app has the whole Bible dramatized. This is great to play on car trips, while I'm doing dishes, whenever!

2. Kindle- This and other book apps allow whole libraries at your fingertips. This means you don't have to shelve so many books or worry about them getting ruined.

3. Artkive- Instead of keeping all of your children's pictures and artwork, use this app to take a photo and organize the photos. Then you can keep only the latest artwork and save clutter!

4. Around Me- Allow this app to use your location and you can find anything you need nearest you: restaurants, gas stations, pharmacy's, etc.

5. Baby Tracker (from What To Expect)- This app keeps track of your nursing schedule, amount of wet and dirty diapers, medications, sleep, anything you need during those first sleepless months with baby.

Every parent has tips or thoughts about how to raise their kids. Here are some of my most valuable tips that I have gleaned from other parents, or discovered in the trenches of parenting.

1. Have 7-10 outfits per child- less clothing means less laundry
2. Have 1-2 sheets per bed- if you need to launder, strip beds when you wake your kids then wash and dry before nap time.
3. Have less toys- we have one storage tub of toys, anytime the tub is to full to close we give away toys our kids don't play with.
4. Only keep toys that allow for multiple purpose playing (like blocks, dolls, cars, etc.)
5. Teach them age appropriate chores- my 2 1/2 year old puts his own dishes in the dish washer, throws away his and baby sister's diapers, puts clothes in the hamper, and picks up his own toys. Some of these he does without being prompted!
6. Find the balance between letting them help you with chores, and entertaining themselves while you do chores- For example, my kitchen is too small to cook with children under foot, so this is a chore I choose to do alone; I find other toys/activities to keep the kids busy. But I do let the toddler help me sweep, unload the dishwasher, dust, clean up, do laundry, and others.
7. Use baby gates!- I have two gates, one blocks the stairs going upstairs, the other blocks the kitchen. This way, I know where my kids are at all times and I am not finding messes I did not expect.
8. Teach your kids to entertain themselves- This is a good skill for your child to learn, and to teach them from infancy. Find opportunities to surround your baby with toys and leave them alone for a while (supervised of course!), or tell your toddler to play in the play room while you sit nearby doing something else.
9. Rather than buy, rent books and movies from the library- this does two things, 1) you have fewer things to store around the house, and 2) you don't have to watch the same movie or read the same book over and over and over- you have to take them back and expose your kids to new ones.
10. Don't buy bath toys- they never stay in those little baskets, they always mold, and your child will want to take their favorite car in the tub anyways.
11. Just let Dad wrestle, throw them in the air, and rough-house with your kids- they'll be OK.
12. Don't save anything that comes off their bodies- this is only my opinion, but we don't save the first hair-cut clippings, or anything like that (they are hard to store). In fact, just yesterday, when getting Evan's stitches out, the nurse asked if we wanted to keep them. Apparently, this is a normal occurrence, I was grossed out.
13. Don't ask your toddler open ended questions like "What do you want for snack", instead, ask like this, "Would you like raisins or crackers?"- or they will always come from left field with an answer you never thought they'd have.
14. Always use "please", "thank-you", "I'm sorry" and "you're welcome" in conversation with your child- My 2 year old has these so ingrained now that he corrects us when we fail to respond with the appropriate phrase!
15. Kids repeat the words they hear the most, so don't be stressed if they say "no" all the time- you should be able to tell if they are openly defying you or if they simply are answering with the only response they hear from us. Politely correct the response by repeating the statement or question and telling them to say "yes".
16. Make sure to get their attention before speaking to them- so many times I catch myself about to get Evan in trouble for not doing what I said, when really I never had his attention to begin with.
17. Have your kids respond by saying "yes mom" or "yes dad"- this may seem old-fashioned or militant, but affirms that they heard you. So they know, that you know, that they know (get it?).
18. Give lots and lots of kisses- we have kiss attacks!
19. Teach your kids to hug back- it will melt your heart when they figure it out.
20. Teach your kids to pray- it's so darling!
21. When running errands with your kids, enjoy it!- don't see it as hard work (which it can be), but ask them about the colors they see, or identify each item as you place it in your shopping basket. Include them, and enjoy getting out of the house.
22. Have a flexible schedule- know what your kids need (3 meals a day, a nap in the afternoon, etc) but don't worry if lunch is twenty minutes late.
23. Have several "reset" options planned for those days where nothing seems to go right and mommy needs to regain control of herself and the situation- our two favorites are, 1) books in bed with everyone to their own bed for an half hour, and 2) kids into the bath while mom has a book on the floor in the bathroom.
24. Don't take meltdowns personally! Identify the issue, and execute an appropriate solution/
25. Read aloud from an [adult] Bible, often.
26. Include them in what you are doing, they love to copy us- i.e. have a paper and pen for them if you are making your grocery list, or allow them to "fold" clothes with your while you do laundry.
27. Do the goofy things with them like dancing, making animal noises, or pretending their toast is a phone.
28. NEVER compare your parenting/kids/family with another family! This only leads to discouragement.
29. Find ways to be a woman throughout the day- we did not trade in our womanhood when we became mothers. Put on makeup, curl your hair, wear heals to the grocery store, call a girl-friend, etc.
30. Have an afternoon cup of coffee (or tea, or cocoa) and don't share with your kids.

These are all things that have been invaluable in our parenting. I know that each family has their own style so please feel free to try what seems helpful and leave the rest.

I would love to hear your best tips/tricks! Please leave them in the comment section or link me to your blog.